out out out

Shit mang...
I read this (out of context) and nearly started to cry @ the workstation...
I have two more days left at this job, and this confirms why I'm getting the fuck out. Of this stupid fucking job that jails me in.

"If you're going to try, go all the way. Otherwise, don't even start.
This could mean losing girlfriends, wives, relatives and maybe even your mind.
It could mean not eating for three or four days. It could mean freezing on a park bench.
It could mean jail. It could mean derision. It could mean mockery--isolation. Isolation is
the gift. All the others are a test of your endurance, of how much you really want to do it.
And, you'll do it, despite rejection and the worst odds. And it will be better than anything
else you can imagine. If you're going to try, go all the way. There is no other feeling like that.
You will be alone with the gods, and the nights will flame with fire. You will ride life straight
to perfect laughter. It's the only good fight there is."
— Charles Bukowski

yea baby yea. get me the fuck out.

Libra-Scorpio (Week of Drama & Criticism) + Capricorn I (Week of the Ruler)

Stayed up late last night (relative to the usual time) working on preliminary plans with my summer "project" (tentatively titled: "Once More" or "Ocean," ...waiting for something better). Crawling into bed around 3 am and for no reason in particular decided to forgo my obvious tiredness to flip through the Big Book of Relationships.

Had a few birthdays to investigate, as always, and a few to revisit. I can't help but sigh, I don't really *want* to believe in astrology, but this damn book always proves to be so right. (Horoscopes are bull though)
Anyway, Libra-Scorpio (Week of Drama & Criticism) + Capricorn I (Week of the Ruler)



"People can only free themselves"
The lesson I am still battling with.

Then or now

Putting my thoughts into words has been difficult recently..It's been a while though, and this warm weather brings me back to where I was last year during this same time.

Bizarre. It's still so easy and fresh in my memory, walking into my apartment after school each day, the gravel along the walkway that dug into my slipper or moccasins or whatever I normally wore to avoid having to tie my shoes, the way the apartment smelled (like the cheap gray carpeting that lined most of it)...

Mostly, I was concerned with my thesis, drinking watery coffee and sustaining myself on ice pops and Dunkin Doughnuts flatbreads. Nothing ever felt entirely clean or free of grime. (I blame Jericho Turnpike)

With all of this, the point being...I feel like crying when I think of that time, and I'm not sure why.

Eventually, it will be spring

things i learned at work

- Article on a book about luv- well, that was depressing...

- Vik Muniz: Overrated and flat imo. Also, left Sao Paolo for New York, wtf, it is 18 degrees today. Then again, he is probably not here anyway as he is an INTERNATIONAL ART STAR**

- Edward Butynsky: Fuck yea...is it really asking so much for artists to go mainstream and make their work into wallpapers so I can surround myself in their artistic glory? Canadians are cooler than I wanna admit.

**I LIED, he had an opening on Saturday in NYC. When I told my boss I didn't like him becuz I found him boring and lame I was advised to tell no one else in the *art world* such things. *eye roll*

Running out of steam? noo0o

Ahh yes...there is something endearing about eating cup noodles from the office kitchen for dinner towards the end of the month...

The biggest "issue" in my life right now seems to be the acquisition of enough sleep, which doesn't come easy when one maintains "work hard, play hard" as their life mantra. I got the promotion @ work, but it feels worthless when I don't have the energy to grab it by the balls and own it.

That being said, I have at least 4 friends with birthday parties this weekend, but I think I'll be staying home and sleeping instead. I'll get some fake nails on Sunday afternoon and maybe even watercolor a bit before if it's sunny enough. I definitely need some jogging/yoga/butt kicking (pole/belly-dancing classes start in two weeks...). In short, taking the weekend off to be me...

Will likely be out drunk and nasty by Sunday.
x0x

Whoa Whoa Whoa

Been looking for regularity these last few weeks, that didn't really happen. The last three weeks have been somewhat tumultuous:

-Given the insane and very blessed opportunity to live/study in Asia for 3 months come spring. I leave March 3...or do I (see next).

-Returned to the gallery, super intense stress-time as we prepare for a new exhibit (opens tomorrow!) while organizing/designing material for the next shows catalogue. The upside to these newfound responsibilities is that I was offered a promotion my first day back! Still deciding whether to take the opportunity or go to China...(many things have yet to be discussed...)

-Have been forcibly thrown into the world of bedbug victimization. Many hours @ reception job are consumed with hunting for better ways to kill them. That being said, they have yet to invade my own living area (knock on wood) but that has not stopped me from living in a state of constant paranioa.

- Moved into the new apt yesterday, that is, after a week of non-stop painting, caulking, flooring and w/e else we could find to renovate. It feels like home though already, and the fridge isn't even plugged in.

Okay. Till next time.