Holy Crap, ....December

Been taking things easy the last few weeks...The beginning of this month was actually pretty hectic, the heads of the gallery left to attend Art Basel in Miami and left me in charge. It was a fairly exciting and definitely very motivating week for me.
I left for Vegas shortly after their return and stayed there for about a week. Had a lot of fun, perhaps danced with too many sins and demons. By the last day, I was counting the hours till I would arrive home in New York again.
The gallery has been closed for the holidays, so def. taking it slow as I work just the night job. Even so, things seem to be moving a mile a minute. The holidays, mixed with new responsibilities and possibilities that I have been exploring and embracing have really made each day feel like a whirlwind. Honestly though, I feel really fucking alive, as if that...24/7 make-that-money/live-the-life attitude feeling I got from Vegas energized me for New York.

I think that's it; it's corny, but I am filled to the brim right now with positive emotion and optimism about the future. I'm really feeling the statement "carpe diem" right now, and I don't think I have ever in my life felt more in tune with that statement. (Even as I type this blog at work, haha ;P )


Happy New Year Ya'll, may we continue to grow and learn while feeling happy and fulfilled.

Hustled by the hustle

Fuck everything, I'm so over the 'Ugly Betty" bullshit. I've spent so much fucking time always being such a pristine little clam, and now I realize that laying down to get stepped all over WILL get you completely owned.

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Tracey Emin: Only God Knows I’m Good

To the man at the opening with the fancy camera and the mike (and a pretty girl acting as his mike stand): I know calling Tracey Emin’s work “pussy-centric” seems like a wittily caustic comment, but your inability to look beyond the pussy was more irritating than a fresh outbreak of herpes.

Sure, there are a lot of vaginae in “Only God Knows I’m Good” but like the eyes for a more romantic (naive) character, they are the windows to the soul that she bares to you, albeit spread eagle. The show consists of mostly monographs and embroideries, as well as a few pieces in neon and deals primarily with thoughts of lust, desire and love, and the awkward confusion they often have between them. Issues of fantasy vs. reality and the hanging responsibility of “being good” also loom above.

This is literally the case with “Those Who Suffer Love,” where enclosed in a private room, a rough and harried looped animation of female masturbation is projected on the wall while neon lights hang high above proclaiming the show’s title. A shy memory of private, prepubescent self-discovery may be initially referenced, but this is much more carnal, and far less curious. Is this desperate reach for pleasure the flipside of the strong independent woman? Why does the pursuit of pleasure have to feel so depraved? And who is it making me feel so bad?

As with all of Tracey Emin’s work, it is a mix of voyeurism and sincerity. The challenge is to stop staring enough to appreciate the message itself.

The use of embroidery is especially wonderful. There are the obvious and already discussed points of embroidery as a female craft, rooted in frivolousness. But the use of black thread, as with “Totally Engaged” and “No More Mirror” (both 2009), emphasizes the hair of the real human body.

(Am I the only one who associates bad one night stands with finding another person’s hair in one’s mouth the day after?…Anyone?)

One oddity though was how consistently sell-able these works were. Large scale and easy to hang, it was clear that these were made to sell. If I had a fireplace, these works would look great above it. Coming after her 20 year retrospective, it was a departure from the more jarring installations, mixed media and applique projects that brought her international fame. But hey, let’s not be naive here and pretend that the art world isn’t hurting. And as an original member of the YBA, making money is somewhat of a specialty, if not the talent itself.

*Image from ArtNet: Tracey Emin, "Totally Engaged" 2009 (May or may not have been in the show?)

Link to the show: http://www.lehmannmaupin.com/#/exhibitions/2009-11-05_tracey-emin/

Shiftin' Gears YA"LL

The first of every month tends to resonate with me as a point of re-upping my hopes for a brighter future. Happy November 1st yo.

My last entry makes me lol a bit. It is all still very true; I consider all of the things that have happened since that last entry, in those same fields of personal, social and career oriented growth and continue to feel overwhelmed. My last shred of sanity tells me to laugh it off.

Maybe it was my birthday coupled with Halloween, but my focus these last few weeks has been the instant gratification of fun. Maybe in a week, there will be update with pictures. 

At the gallery now, and can only think about how bad I don;t want to be doing work right now...

You get what you give, no?

What a revelatory experience every day is. Here are some new updates from my life:

- My spelling ability has been greatly increased from transcribing my bosses messages onto emails. The downside is that I stare with anxious fear at the keyboard as I type now. On the upside, I have a greater appreciation now for the careful selection of words used in correspondence. Sort of charming and sweet.

-Recently finished Tweak, which is really just a more grown up Go Ask Alice. Or so I had thought it was till I noticed the binding listed it as "young adult." Is it wrong to admit that my inner pretension had its feelings hurt? I'm bouncing back with a Camus book I never finished. =[

-The director of the gallery told me my outfit was "cute." That was almost a week ago...and yet I am still basking in that glory. Just be glad I don't brag about these sort of things in real-life conversation. 

-Okay, and of course. everyday I am learning more about ME and growing up and maturing in different, different ways. Emotionally, physically and career wise, everyday has had its mark on me. I am thankful for this, but also overwhelmed; I still don't have the control over my life to balance these lessons while maintaining the little things that are important to me (clean home/ environment, getting enough sleep/ exercise, the balance of work and play) 

-I got a pseudo-promotion at one of my work places this week. "Pseudo" since I don;t get paid...but is it so wrong for me to feel emotionally gratified by being useful at the workplace?

Much of my time at work, during my commute or running errands is dedicated to self reflection. I think about the energy I put into my work, and my insatiable desire to do more and be better. Is it a way to compensate for something I am missing emotionally? Well, I concluded, at least so far, that for right now, work is just one of the ways I give love to myself. (haha, that actually sounds quite silly) 

What am I thinking about...?

Well, as usual I'm at work, and right now I am thinking about my boss. How sometimes he is really rude and abrasive w/o reason, but then will call me back twenty minutes later to offer me some iced tea and trail mix. He'll bring it over before he leaves for the night and, not that his rudeness had me so upset or anything like that, but...it's something he does for himself, to feel less guilt I guess. It makes wonder why do so many people, but in particular men, compensate for their wrong doings like that. Both unwilling to change their own ways or deal with the repercussions of their actions, they mask the issue with artificial acts of kindness or generosity...